you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
