i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
