We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
