I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
