your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
