i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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