Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
