Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
