Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
