I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
