he puts the penis in happiness.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
