My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
