his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
