I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
