maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
