Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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