11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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