my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
