is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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