My room smells like vodka and shame
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
