like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
