so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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