No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
