Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
