How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
