I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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