you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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