drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
