see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
