Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
