I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize