Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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