I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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