There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
