Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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