I hate your face
Actions speak louder than pants.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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