God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she smelled like a LAN party
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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