yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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