His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
