I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
