so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
