dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
