Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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