I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
