Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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