so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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