he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There r osticjed everywhere
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
