I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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