Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
