The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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