The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
