Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
