There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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