I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
