Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
4 words: hood of his car
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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