I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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