Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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