i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
