I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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