i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
