i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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