I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
