Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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