no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize