Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Someone came in the potted fern
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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