it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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