All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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