Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
