I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
