The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
