The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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