The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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