I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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