he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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