After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
