he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
