have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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